The Bad Apple

Since Mini-Me has been home from the hospital she has wanted to watch "Larry Boy and the Bad Apple" at least twice a day (she gets to watch a little something every time she has to be nebulized, it's the only way I've been able to find to keep her still for 15 minutes!), sometimes more. Thankfully we're down to nebulizing only twice a day now.

Everyone, but Mini-Me, is frustrated by this. It's getting monotonous! (Although, she has started getting away from watching it as much recently.)

Having to listen to the program in total, at least once a day, I've found myself singing the songs and repeating phrases (which I've tried, unsuccessfully to drive out of my mind!). This had lead to dwelling on the theme of the movie - temptation.

Today I got it. Mini-Me wasn't watching this for herself, but for me. That one stung. We're all tempted each day. Some days we successfully avoid the temptation, others not so successfully. If we give in to a temptation even once, with its accompanying rationalizations, it becomes easier to give in the next time. We even have better rationalizations. My biggest temptation recently has been food (any food, it doesn't really matter what it is, I'll eat it and eat a lot of it!). I really even haven't tried to avoid temptation or stop myself.

It's been costing me, not just spiritually, but monetarily. I want to be at a healthy weight. I feel better, have more energy, and can do more things with the kids. Right now I'm aiming for the top of my weight range, and then I'll work on getting down to where I want to be. I need someone to be accountable to. Tried my husband, he's mean when it comes to keeping me accountable, so I don't use him for anything anymore. Tried my sister-in-law, whom I see often. She's so nice, too nice and understanding when it comes to slipping up on eating healthy. So, I joined Weight Watchers. This way I have to be weighed, every week, in front of someone. And, I have to pay. Not too expensive, but something we're just barely squeezing into our budget right now (that's a blog for another day).

I have been within 5lbs of my goal weight, at Thanksgiving. Since then, I've fluctuated about 3lbs up and down, never going bellow that 5lbs mark. I had many excuses, it was the holidays, a birthday party, church dinner, coffee house, out with the girls, need to try out these cookies before I send them over to someone, I've had a stressful day, I did great on working out this week and I need a reward, etc., etc. I'm growing quite good at these excuses. (Give me a buzz and I can share a few tailored to your needs.)

I know I need to reach my goal weight. If I do that, and stay there for 6 weeks, Weight Watchers will be free for life (as long as I don't go over my goal weight that is). Money wise, I need to reach that goal. Unfortunately, that is not a really strong push to get me over that 5lbs hump. Since I've gone back to work a few days a month, I've rationalized that I can just work more to pay for Weight Watchers.

This morning God woke me early. Ok, Ok, my alarm went off at 6am so I could potentially get up to spend some time with Him, but I wanted to sleep a little more this am. As I pushed the snooze button for the second time a word screamed through my mind "GLUTTON!". My eyes flew open and I jetted out of bed. I spent some time reading and praying. What did I learn? I'm a glutton.

My sister and I have often joked about being gluttons. We love to eat. Neither of us is obese, just a few pounds overweight, so it's not so obvious to other people. This morning, I wasn't laughing.

A very serious God sat me down and told me that sin wasn't a laughing matter, not even gluttony. I felt about as big as an ant, but wonderfully loved. He cared enough to give me a wake up call about this temptation and sin in my life. He told me in no uncertain terms was I to continue in this matter. What could I say to Him, but "Ok, but how?"

You see, it's not that I eat bad foods all the time, it's just that when I do eat, I like to eat and eat and eat and eat, even if I'm full. I can't just take one bite or a little of something and be happy about it. I want more, I feel I need it and deserve it. I'm a mom, I work hard. What am I going to do?

Fasting is going to be a new word in my vocabulary. I've found that after I've slipped up with my eating, I tend to just discard portion control out the window. The best thing to do, reset myself by fasting and denying.

There will also be lots of dialogue b/t God and I when I eat. I know that there are things coming up where there will be lots of good food, isn't there always! I can't just go in with a plan, because I'm good at throwing those out as well. If I keep talking with Him, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get these urges under control. It may be that I'll have to say no to a lot of things until I learn to get myself under control, hopefully soon. If not, I just pray I can give up certain foods for this present life.

Today has been a good day for me. I've eaten healthy food and clenched my teeth not to over do it. Now I just need to see if I can continue in this manor. I know I can't do it alone. And, I know I will fail at times. That path way to temptation is well worn and so easy to slip back into. I'm going to look at it like riding a bike. Some tumbles, false starts, and then I'll be off pedaling furiously. But, always with my Dad watching and waiting to see if I need any help, hopefully not by yelling "GLUTTON!" at me again.

(ps - Mini-Me is still asking to watch "Larry Boy and the Bad Apple")